Holding on.

31 Jul

This weekend was a very tough weekend for me, and it wasn’t until yesterday I realized many things in my life.

First I haven’t been reading the Bible enough and that could be why it took me so long to realize situations around me.
Second I realized how I’ve been holding onto things that are not there.
This is what I want to focus on, I don’t know exactly what I’m about to say or how I will finish this, but I want to be encouraging.
This isn’t to hurt anyone or out of spite. This is reality.

I realized that I have a bad habit of holding on to things that aren’t there anymore. I have a bad a habit of lingering around. I sometimes live in the past even if it is good or bad. And that is the worst thing I can do to myself.

I know close people in my life that are constantly living in the past that they cannot live for today or realize anything of today. And it would make me so sad but now I realize I have been doing that also.

Living in the past has:
-stolen my happiness
-caused me to be depressed
-made me miss out on the present
-caused me to forget ALL my blessings

It has made me feel bad for myself and I was consumed by feelings of hurt, anger, and everything else not good for me.
I completely forgot how much GOD had blessed me, how much He has done for me, how much He has brought into my life. I was counting what I don’t have rather than what He keeps doing in my life everyday.

No one has a perfect life and we can all testify to that, we all have problems. No one can compare problems because we will all come to defend the burdens we are carrying. I forgot this, I forgot that we won’t have things work out the way we want them to. If we hurt people all we can do is apologize and hope they accept it and if they don’t it will take some time for us to move on and forgive ourselves. And others may look at that and be in judgement of why we can live happily after hurting people, but there is only so much you can do. There is only so much you can say, there is only so much effort you can put into bringing people back into your life.

I forgot that no matter what happens in our life, good or bad, God wants us to keep moving forward, keep growing, keep loving, keep living.

Isaiah 43:18-19
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.” (NIV)

So for my friends, family or anyone that reads this and if you are hurt by anything I have done to you, please forgive me.  I truly mean that.  I know the people that I care for I have asked for forgiveness, maybe not today or yesterday, but I have asked and I hope you can give that to me even if I do not deserve it.
What Now?

I want to be able to live my life stress free, I want to realize and understand I have family now.  I have so much to I have to do.  I have a husband and a child on the way.  I have to take care of this little person and put my husband and child above everyone after God.  I want to take on that responsibility God has given me.  I want to be happy and secure with the blessings He pours out on me.  I want to become closer and closer and closer to God.  I want to forgive everything and everyone that has hurt me.  I want to live my life to everything God wants. I want to understand that I am only given a certain amount of time on earth and I can live to be happy or depressed.  I want God to take away rotten things in my life and renew my life and convict me of all the things I am doing wrong and correct me.

I love all my friends and everyone that has been a friend to me in my life, I will always feel that way no matter what.

(Sorry for any punctuation/spelling errors, I have to get ready for my 34 week appointment =))

Ok I love you bye bye!


Jesus did not show up.

26 Feb


Strong Women

13 Jan


P Sisters!

17 Oct

It has been a while since I have written you…darling.

So much has happened since my last post.  Got married.  Got a job. Back in school. Quit the job.  Still in school.  Still married.

First of all can you believe it will be 4 months for us tomorrow! OMG crazy!

Photography by: SanMay Photography


Let’s see, it still has not hit me that I am married!  Randomly I’ll have to stop and take it all in.  But I am extremely thankful to God for this amazing blessing. I don’t mean to sound all lovey dovey but my husband is one of my greatest blessings and I cannot dream of a life without him. =)

I’m back in school doing some Prereqs for Nursing, and it has been pretty interesting, I mean what I am learning.  I like it so far, but then again it is not like I am in Nursing school yet.

Even though all these new changes are happening, I miss my P sisters a lot!

I miss our apartment, I miss our hang outs, I miss our late night food adventures, I miss our comfort with each other, I miss how I used to pick on everyone of them, I miss all our laughs, I miss our longggg deeeppp talks, I miss being only a room away from my best friends, I miss how we would discuss many people that we encountered (nice way of talking about people), I miss our snow days, I miss our lazy skipping class days, I miss everything!

All of our lives have changed, in so many ways, but we will always remain best of friends.  I love you guys so much and no one will ever replace yall! =)

I want to thank you guys for being there for me for everything.  You guys are amazing people and I am so lucky to have known you so well and for so long!  Thank you for being the greatest help during our engagement and wedding.  Thank you for an amazing bachelorette party! Thank for the bridal shower!  Thank you for helping me so much.  I will always remember how much of a help yall were! I love you guys so much! Uma!

Your P –P Sister =)


31 May
All my life, I’ve felt people are not brought out until there is crisis.  I don’t know it just seems that people have this hidden part of them that reveals itself only when there is crisis.  No matter if it is good or bad, we are able to show this side without intending on.
Some choose to hide and/or run.  They simply cannot understand that the situation will not leave until it is faced.  It is like if you owe a loan, you will get notices that you can easily throw away, but that does not mean you won’t get another notice.  
Others, have this not so pleasant side that comes out.  They tend to blame everything or everyone around them. (I’ve done this).  They have to have a reason behind what happened. 
Take care of it!  I know some people that can look at the problem and focus only on the solutions.  These are the wise ones that don’t waste time.  They take care of it and it is over.
Help rather then Hurt.  I love it when people just lend a hand, especially when you are crippled with fear and confusion.  There are those people that handle it for you.  Blessed to have people like that in my life.
Either way I’ve notice that when we face tribulation, we are also facing a challenge from God.  How will we react?  What is our first response?  He’s looking down to see what we will choose to do.   

Heart of the sea

18 May

I feel like a wave being tossed around in the ocean.

The ocean does not want me neither does the shore.

The struggle between the ocean and the shore are more and more fierce by the passing day.

The struggle for me to accept myself in the midst is a fractious case.

But You tell me, even if everything in this world gives away, I have You.  (Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam  and the mountains quake with their surging. Psalm 46:2,3)

There is You for anyone.  You are there for the broken, for the needy.  You are there for their pain,

tears, sorrow and struggle.  You see people in such a different light than the world.  You saw them so 

special that, You yourself had to come and save them.  Now that changes everything.  To know that, in a world

that accepts and only gives a person honor according to their fame, education, riches, beauty and what they have to offer, it is 

like finding great treasure. (I rejoice in your word like one who discovers a great treasure. Psalm 119:162)  To even have the 

thought You would come and save me, me?  

I think when you are young you have everything given to you and being done for you.  And you learn about Jesus and of what He

did for you, and it doesn’t mean that much to you.  You don’t understand the extend of His love at that young age.  But  as you

grow you see the shield of your caretakers being taken away.  You see that you have to fend for yourself and you have to work

extra hard to prove yourself, even then you are still not accepted.  Sometime you even hit a point where you don’t want to fight it

anymore.  You give up on whatever it is you are struggling and you give in.  But during this time to find Your saving grace, Jesus,

is more than words can express.  The acceptance that You give me is beyond belief.  The grace I find in You is like when I had to

stay at the airport all day to find a flight back to dallas and finally after 12 hours I get home; Your grace saves me every time.  The

way You love me is so great that I constantly feel like I have to earn it every day of my life.  That I must do religion and ritual

to prove to myself that You are real.  It just does not make sense how much You love me, unconditionally?  With everything going

wrong and people hurting each other, the struggle for men to live with his own kind and the world.  Unconditional love just

does not seem attainable unless I do things for You.  It just seems too easy.  For centuries people have been feeling the same, they

create religions and rituals to achieve a love and acceptance that is believable.  When I think about it, they don’t seem so crazy.

Even now the world struggles with acceptance, they, like me feel like they must do works, do things to be given affirmation.  Our

sad nature feels we have to be able to back up love from a higher figure, by what we accomplish.  We just cannot understand, if

even the people in the world cannot completely love and accept us, how can a higher figure, without us doing works.  But You tell

us something different.  You tell us Your love is a gift, that is insane! (Ephesians 2: 8.9 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast)

But You, Jesus, Your love cannot be examined or explained.  There is no point in going through life, trying to understand Your

love and working hard to earn it.  The only way we can reach acceptance is by first accepting Your love.

ChuNkY MoNkEy

3 May

So wow I am soooooo nervous and super excited!  THis month is going to be crazy!

Next week my Birthday! May 10th

Week after Parents coming/Graduation

side note: NOT MY PARENTS, random indian cute couple.

The week after Our engagement =)

Then 3 weeks later…the wedding I’ve been waiting a lifetime for! Please pray for us, and everything that will be happening.  I know a million things can go wrong, that is why I need your prayer. =)